Being a good Mother means what ?

Am I too present or not enough, too lax or too strict? No mother escapes these questions, as it is difficult to find the right balance in education.Being a good Mother means what And if a "good" mother was simply a loving, but imperfect, indulgent mother with herself, leaving her place to the father? Some elements of answer ...

"To be a good mother is to be a good enough mother," said Donald Winnicott, a prominent pediatrician and English psychoanalyst (1896-1971), who knew how to respond to the needs and desires of his child without ignoring them ... to get ahead of them.


However, it must be remembered loud and clear, the perfect mother does not exist. If you need to desecrate this myth, go see Mother's Day, on the screens since May 23, 2018. The film begins with this sentence: "There are a thousand and one ways to be a mother, or not to be, or to be bad.

Being a "good mother" means meeting the needs of your child

It is of course in the first months of the child that maternal availability is greatest to meet the emotional and vital needs of the baby.

The first year, the mother must allow herself to play with her child as she sees fit, to take him in her arms as often as she wishes, without censorship, recommends Christiane Olivier, psychoanalyst.

The right attitude? Be guided by her intuitions and be indulgent with oneself, without trying to be a perfect mother. Besides, having a perfect mother would be painful for the child. That would give him a model of perfection ... inaccessible!

Being a "good mother" means encouraging your child to be independent

If a "good" mother can not fill a set of requirements, she must make sure "not to love her child for herself, but for what it is, adds the psychiatrist. Do not raise him to keep him near her, but so that he can one day acquire all his autonomy ".

Knowing how to separate oneself from one's child is also to ensure that, as one grows up, one benefits from diverse and varied experiences that will open it up to the world. In this objective, "we will avoid being too worried about him, advises the psychoanalyst Christiane Olivier, to always fear that he will fall ill, that he has an accident ...

Of course, one must be vigilant for one's health and safety but without entering a circle of physical or psychic worries that one will communicate to the child ". Being a hen mom can lead to overprotect her child. It is important to find the right balance between security and freedom.

Finally, it is essential to leave the father his rightful place.

To be a "good mother" is to leave a place for the father

And it is from birth that the father has to take his place near his baby by taking him in his arms, providing him with care ... "By wearing his newborn baby, a father leaves his child an olfactory impression who secures and participates in the installation of the emotional relationship, "said psychologist and sexologist Yvon Dallaire.

Through this physical contact, the baby also learns to distinguish the body of a man from that of a woman: "It is very important for the little boy who can thus identify with the" masculine ", remarks Christiane Olivier, psychoanalyst .

A tender and early relationship that will also allow the father to better separate the "mother-baby" fusion couple in due time. The father then to be sufficiently present with his children to both protect them with affection (to set limits, forbidden), but also "open" to the outside world ...